219: How old is too old to date? - Monica Yates

219: How old is too old to date?

BY Monica Yates

Today I am talking about a topic that came up with a friend of mine. How old is too old to date, is there an age that a person is too old for you to date? This is obviously a mass generalisation but it is such a juicy topic that I have some insight on.


It is always a red flag to me when you are dating someone in their thirties or forties and their behaviour is that of a single person and yet they claim to want commitment. The reality is that people can tend to get lazier as they get older, they don’t have the energy for going out or the parties but the problem is that energy is needed. Being in different environments and going out and doing things is important because it gives you a different energy that the two of you get to experience together. When you don’t change up environments or try different things you contribute to stagnancy within the relationship.

When a guy is in his forties and he is being blasé, not chasing, pursuing or claiming that is a huge red flag. The reality is that majority of us do not want to be single, we are wired for connection and partnership. We can go through phases and seasons of enjoying being single but most of us deep down want an amazing and fun partnership. So, when you have these forty year old’s who are single and saying one thing but their actions are showing another, that is a red flag. Especially if you are in your mid to late twenties and you want to settle down and you want a serious relationship. Initially you think that the more mature age means that he knows how to treat you, things are going to be easy, he knows how to date women and the sex is going to be great with all of the extra experience. Then you start dating him and things aren’t as they seem. Many women think that a man of a certain age wants to settle down but what then happens is that you can ignore red flags.

The whole ‘daddy vibe’ is a woman wanting to be cherished, looked after and protected. There is though, a healthy daddy dynamic and an unhealthy daddy dynamic and a situation where this is based purely on his age and not his actions is unhealthy. Your brain and body is getting sucked in and trapped in the idea of being cherished, looked after and protected but his actions don’t actually support that.

The reality is that if you want to be in a good relationship or be good at dating, it takes and requires discipline. Discipline to follow through with plans, take responsibility and with planning dates. With discipline you need to focus on the feeling that you get from doing the thing not the effort it takes to do the thing. When I dated a man in his forties I noticed that lack of discipline and this doesn’t mean that he didn’t have good intentions but you have to ask yourself if it feels like that two months in, what will it feel like two years in?

If a man in his forties does not know how or doesn’t have the confidence to claim a fucking woman.. good luck.  If you don’t have the confidence as a woman to know what you want in a relationship and you’re forty then good fucking luck. The reality is that there is an expectation as you get older that you know what you want.

In summary, how old is too old to date? The real point of this episode is not to give you a specific age to avoid but rather to urge you not to believe that just because someone is a certain age that they will act a certain way. Don’t fall under a trap or a spell of someone’s age and then ignore the red flags that are there.

Monica x

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