218: Why you're making dating hard for yourself - Monica Yates

218: Why you’re making dating hard for yourself

BY Monica Yates

Today I am talking about how dating can be draining but doesn’t need to be. I did a really good job, (before my current situation) of going into dating with different mindsets, dating different kinds of men and showing up differently to figure out how to date in a way where I stayed in a feeling of calm, wasn’t attached, felt secure, peaceful and didn’t obsess over my phone. I was able to come to this embodiment and when I got to that place, I felt so much less energy exuding out of my body for dating.


Dating and being in a new relationship is fun but it is also an energy being exhausted out of your body. If you are dating somebody in an anxious or insecure way that is going to be extremely draining for you. When we are in this place we can make dating a shitty and draining experience and when this happens we tend to give up on dating, leaving ourselves feeling hopeless and like we have given up on a dream. Many people get to this place and convince themselves that they are fine but really they are ignoring their desires. Even when you are dating really amazing people, it can still be exhausting if you don’t know how to manage your energy.

Women tend to so easily jump to conclusions when dating. Some people just don’t like to hurt people and they find it easier to disengage and to ghost rather than tell you upfront that he isn’t interested. Of course it would be nice for him to tell you upfront but it doesn’t make him a dick for not wanting to see you anymore. You make him a dick because you feel rejected. This probably has nothing to do with you as a person, you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

As women, we do get attached especially if sex is involved. Even in cases where ‘just sex’ is the arrangement there is still a part of you that feels empty almost or a part of you that would be really happy if he texted you. When you keep having these mini heart breaks because you keep getting attached emotionally or physically you are not being truthful with yourself if you are telling yourself you don’t care. If you are wanting the relationship and yet you keep engaging in half arse shit then you don’t truly want a relationship.

Dating is a lot of energy and if you are not using that energy productively it is very easy for you to feel scarcity around dating. Being a serial dater and phrases like ‘there are no good men out there’ are examples of how you can manifest the feeling of scarcity when it comes to dating.

Men and women date differently, knowing and understanding men and their biology and also understanding your own biology as a woman will change your life and help you to get optimal results. This allows you to play to their biology and play to your biology and stop making things a you or them thing. There is a lot less blame when you understand the biology of the situation, things are more logical and you don’t get as attached as quickly. This helps the experience to feel more peaceful and less draining.

Another thing to mention when it comes to dating is that since the pandemic, for many of us our nervous systems are sitting at this baseline of constant stress. As a result of this, we are so sensitive and exhausted. Remember to be compassionate with yourself and a way to do this is by learning how to play the dating game properly to reduce that stress.

Monica x

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