217: Is Feminism causing men to stop pursuing women? - Monica Yates

217: Is Feminism causing men to stop pursuing women?

BY Monica Yates

Today’s discussion is in answer to a client question, is feminism causing men to stop pursuing? If you haven’t read any of my other blog posts I would encourage you to do so to allow for some more context around this topic.


For women, our feminine energy is the most predominant energy in our body, we have 90% feminine and 10% masculine. This can vary depending on what we are doing, if you are in an intense work flow you will act differently to when you are on holiday. Men have predominately masculine energy in their body. As feminine women, we can all agree (if you don’t agree it is probably because you are in your masculine or you’re kidding yourself) that we want men pursuing us, we want to be cherished, chosen, protected and adored. It can leave us feeling really empty when that isn’t happening or when we are struggling to make that happen in our dating lives and in our relationships.

The answer to the question of whether the feminist movement is causing men to stop pursuing, is yes. The thing is that prior to radical feminism (which is different to first wave feminism where the goal was to create true equality for voting rights, equal pay etc.) men still had chivalry, men weren’t scared to be men because we hadn’t gotten into the third or fourth wave of feminism, insane amounts of women empowerment and the emasculation of men. The reality is that men in the olden days had to stand by a woman, if he started dating a woman he would do so with more so a serious reason and intention like marriage, babies, raising a family or partnership. In those days you would date less because when you would date somebody you would date them for a more prolonged period of time because the energy was a want to settle down and ‘I want commitment’. People in those days were less avoidant and a big reason for that is the absence of social media. Social media, hustle culture and the overstimulation that we live with these days mean that we don’t ‘want’ to settle down as much. A lot of people are just kidding themselves, subscribing to the avoidant mentality of wanting to fuck around for the rest of their life. As human beings, men and women desire commitment.

In society we have created a rite of passage to be non-comital and fuck people over. There is both a reduction of and a disregard for consequences. We now have contraception methods, normalised abortions, shiny object syndrome and an increase in choice and accessibility to other humans. All of these aspects and more contribute to a culture in which we are allowed to be non-comital and avoidant. As a result, men do not have to pursue us as much and men don’t have repercussions for fucking women over (women fuck men over too FYI). The causal behaviour is from men but also from women who for the most part are kidding themselves. We follow the crowd and because everyone else is fucking around we assume this is how you meet people and end up in a relationship. This behaviour is you settling. Women have more problems with this behaviour because biologically, we are more likely to want to settle down and want commitment because of safety, wanting children and wanting to be provided for. Men still want to settle down and have a family and their biology can withstand a longer period of time of non-comital sex.

As a society we have become so lazy and so avoidant that it allows and tolerates half arsed behaviour. The problem is that women exacerbate this by being on their rampage about feminism and women’s rights which results in men not knowing where they stand and feeling as though they have to let women dominate and direct things so they don’t get their balls chopped off or called a misogynist.

Men biologically want to pursue and provide for us, they want to dominate, ask us out and be the one to pay for the dates. However, because of all of the radical feminism, women empowerment and the amount of women who shame men for doing these things, a shift in behaviour has occurred. These things have changed the way, on a mass level, that men relate to women and behave with women. Men feel lost and confused and the easiest thing to do when you feel lost and confused is nothing at all. So men will do nothing because they are waiting to see how they can behave around this woman and what is allowed. They won’t step too far because they are thinking ‘what if she chops my head off and I lose my job’. Unfortunately, all of the power and leadership when it comes to dating has fallen into women’s hands because we are the ones who are saying what is right and wrong.  This is not to say that men used to be the ones to say what is right or wrong, no one used to say what was right or wrong, it was just written in the starts basically that men pursue and women receive. This isn’t a result of gender roles, people were just tuned into their biology.

It is because we are not honest with ourselves, that we get ourselves into these situations that are less than ideal when it comes to dating. We tolerate this half arsed behaviour instead of encouraging him to rise. The best thing that you can do from the get go is tell him and give him permission to lead. Men already feel like they have no permission to be a man. Men feel like they cannot be men and cannot be masculine. If you give them permission they will feel safe to be a man and to be masculine but what is important is that you actually make sure you are in your feminine. Don’t say that and then berate him, say that and then let him lead.

Trigger warning: The resentment you have for men is actually the resentment you have for yourself. Of course we can say ‘fucking men’ but when you aren’t doing anything about it and are causing yourself to be in that situation, a lot of that resentment can be towards yourself. When you do something about it, learn and stop engaging in that behaviour a lot of that resentment will go away. All of this and more will be covered in my dating masterclass. So many of you have said that your relationships have completely shifted since listening to my podcast.. imagine what is going to happen when you pay.

Monica x

Top picks