207: What is trauma? - Monica Yates

207: What is trauma?

BY Monica Yates

Today I am talking all about trauma and explaining what exactly it is for anyone who is confused by it. Trauma is an energy blockage, basically when you have something traumatic happen, you get stuck in the trauma cycle. The feeling that you experienced in the traumatic situation gets stuck in your body and it feels like you’re constantly reliving this trauma every time you get triggered by something. Most people get stuck in this trauma cycle and so they keep getting triggered, but they create this illusion to themselves as if they are no longer triggered by it. There is always a coping mechanism involved whether this be drinking, avoidance or drugs. You can use anything as a coping mechanism however people then think that they’re okay because the coping mechanism has gotten rid of the emotion that they were feeling when they got triggered. This trauma cycle is a loop that so many people get stuck in and what I do is break that loop.


Doing trauma work doesn’t mean that you will never be triggered by anything again or that you will never have emotions, these things are part of the human experience. You want to heal your trauma and also understand that you’re going to have emotional moments in your life and that doesn’t mean you have to keep doing the trauma work, it just means that you’re a fucking human!

It is really important that you get out of the trauma cycle if you are in one because it is really bad for not only your emotional health but also your physical health. If you are constantly having panic attacks, that stress is going to affect your hormones which is then going to affect your libido which is going to affect your sex life and your relationships, the flow on effect is real.

Going to the root of the problem is really important. For example, people may not feel sexy in the bedroom and so they decide to buy lingerie to feel sexier. This may help slightly but it is surface level helping. The root could be completely unrelated to sex such as feeling like your Dad was emotionally unavailable when you were a kid or not being aware of how much your work stress is impacting you. If you’re only looking at exactly what is in front of you, you are often going to miss it. If it was right in front of you then you wouldn’t be having the problem, it is always in the shadows. Going to the root of a problem will fix everything above it which is amazing because sometimes the same problem can show up in multiple ways.

Every single person has trauma, regardless of how amazing or idyllic their upbringing was. When you are a child you can misperceive a situation and right there in that misperception you then have a trauma response. That gets locked in your body and becomes a reality and keeps getting triggered throughout your life which affirms that this misperception is correct. Your trauma in the beginning could be a small as a five-cent piece or a penny. Over the next few years that trauma keeps getting triggered and all of a sudden, this five-cent coin has turned into the size of a swiss exercise ball. If you don’t fix your trauma and it keeps getting triggered it actually gets bigger and bigger and it becomes more controlling and more consuming over your life.

Even if you think that you had an amazing childhood where nothing bad happened, I guarantee you that there is stuff in there that is affecting you a lot right now. You aren’t giving yourself permission to see that because you believe that you had a great childhood and therefore don’t have any trauma. One reason behind a lot of us thinking like this is that people gaslight other people when they don’t have a really bad situation going on in their life. Phrases like ‘at least you don’t have cancer’ or ‘at least you’re not a hungry kid in Africa’ are comparisons that can make us believe that our problems aren’t valid because somebody else has it worse. This mentality is problematic because you then diminish your experience and don’t get help when you need it. You create a situation where you lack the feeling of freedom, abundance and love in your body and as a result the flow on effect is that you are struggling but won’t let yourself get help because you won’t admit that you have a problem because somebody else has it worse. I want to give you permission to admit to yourself that you are struggling right now and that you need help in that area. Know that you don’t need to have had the worst trauma in the world in order to be struggling.

As humans we lock a lot of the trauma in our body because we are able to self soothe and other people soothe us. This creates a situation where more and more trauma is trapped within the body. With that trauma locked in our body, each time this trauma is triggered your body actually reacts in the same way as if the traumatic event is happening again. Your brain is trying to protect you and so you begin to disassociate, if you are constantly disassociated you don’t feel pleasure and you don’t feel pain. Not feeling pain is great but the problem is that pleasure and pain are one and the same and so if you want to feel pleasure you need to be able to also feel pain.

When you are constantly in this trauma response and you’re constantly being triggered you become addicted to the adrenalin. You become addicted to this rush that you get, and you therefore don’t have the awareness or the reason to heal this trauma. Your memory usually wipes out trauma so that you don’t remember it but it is important to understand that you don’t need to know the root of the trauma, you just need to be able to tell me the things that you want to change in your life and I do the rest.

For women, Queen Alchemy is the program to join for this, feel free to contact me via DM or email to ask any questions.



Monica x

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