206: Daddy issues, preserving your feminine energy and empowering sex
BY Monica Yates
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Today I am talking all about healing your trauma, preserving your feminine energy, validation + men and how allowing yourself to feel sexy starts a cycle of abundance and magnetic energy. Firstly, let’s talk about what I attribute my ability of attracting and holding space for women to. I don’t class myself as some spiritual know it all or think that I am better than anyone else, I just know that I am more educated in my field than the average person. My human self is so expressed which makes me really relatable to people, I show me going out to a bar and doing random shit because I don’t want anyone to put me on a pedestal. When people on social media place themselves on a pedestal it can actually be really repelling because people don’t think they can reach out to you for help because they feel you may judge them, and they don’t feel like they’re good enough.
In a spiritual sense too, it comes back to being my most human self. Spirituality to me is being connected to something greater and for me, the more I have let myself be human and enjoy human experiences the more I have felt connected to the universe and something greater. I think a lot of people may be almost dimming their life because they are trying to fit into a spiritual box by not drinking, being vegan or not staying out late. If these things resonate with you then that’s great but if you are doing these things because you think that’s going to get you an outcome, question that. Now that I stopped trying to fit into the spiritual box and instead made myself happy, I am so connected, and I feel so abundant and can manifest so quickly. I invite everybody to remember that we are humans and I think the most spiritual thing that you can do is to have you fullest human experience. Many of the strict spiritual practices are really masculine and as a woman, that is going to drain your life force energy. The more that I have fun, do crazy shit and be adventurous the more life force energy I have.
When it comes to sex, the more that I have embodied my boundaries, my truth and the more I have released the shame around being expressed and being sexual the more sex has been liberating for me. For me now, sex is the best thing ever. It is empowering because I am so in my feminine, I am full of life force energy, I know how to receive and I have no problem with being around men, they actually make me feel so juiced up and delicious. All of this gives me more energy, makes me feel more expanded, empowered and confident and this is not from a wounded place. In my late teens I got so much validation from being around men but now I am in balance, I do not get validation form being with men, I get validation from myself. I am with men because I want to be with them, it’s just me listening to my desires.
That desire for validation from men only disappeared after I healed all of my Daddy issues. I had a very deep need for validation from Dad which would show up in pretty unhealthy ways like burning myself out, getting myself into bad situations with men and doing things I didn’t want to do. It wasn’t until I faced it and realised that I had to validate myself and now I am amazing at validating myself. A lot of the stuff that women have around sexual shame is often linked with a Dad thing.
A lot of people think that they are going to change when they do trauma healing work or that they will have to find themselves again. The reality is that when you do this kind of work, it feels like you come home to yourself and finally take a full body exhale. The bulk of this work can be done quickly if you allow yourself to go really deep. You have to embrace the ugliness, embrace the mess and see beauty in the vulnerability, the anger. Once you move through that, at the end it feels like peace and inner freedom. So many people don’t realise that even little traumas can have a monumental effect in their life. Every single person can benefit from doing this work.
Most of us are born without feeling like we are not worthy, we are like a blank book and everything that has happened form the day of your birth to now is what you are living out. You don’t need to go and learn it first, you need to get rid of everything that is stopping you from natural feeling sexy, abundant or being able to speak your truth. Once you feel sexy you feel like you want to be sexier, it becomes a cycle. You feel worthy and abundant and from there you are more likely to walk into Celine and buy a handbag without flinching. You don’t have to affirm to yourself that you are worthy. Then that handbag makes you feel sexier, which makes you want more sex and the more sex leads to you feeling even more liberated and confident and this will inspire you to invest in yourself further. As you’re in this cycle you make more money, you’re the woman who walks in and lights up the room because you’re oozing all of this feminine, radiant and magnetic energy.