203: Your addiction to victimhood is what could be holding you back from getting your manifestations
BY Monica Yates
Today we’re talking about victimhood and how people are actually addicted to being a victim.
Now before you shut off from this episode saying “fuck this, I don”t like this chick”, think of how many episodes you’ve been like “I don’t like what she’s saying, she’s triggering as fuck” and then I say what you need to hear. Literally every episode.
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So firstly I want to preface that you can let yourself be a victim about something, and not be attached to your victimhood. Sometimes you need to have a moment where you’re like ‘fuck the world’, “fuck my life”, be human, and be the victim. A lot of the time, people can’t let themselves feel their human emotion because they are either trying to be ‘spiritual’, ‘positive’ or they’re being avoidant. It’s important to feel the full range of human emotion. And sometimes that means being the victim for a moment. And there’s nothing wrong with being the victim sometimes. The problem lies with victimhood, is when people get addicted to their victimhood. When they get a high from complaining. When women complain with other women and they validate you, you actually get this hit of dopamine. And it becomes a vicious cycle. When men get pissed, angry or aggressive about something, their testosterone rises, and when somebody else eggs them on it continues to increase their testosterone, giving them a high and a false feeling of confidence.
As an example, people can be addicted to their anxiety and their depression. And yes, there are situations where people do suffer from really bad anxiety and depression (which is common, but not normal). We’ve normalised so many problems these days that people aren’t getting help for the root cause. PMS is normalised. Anxiety is normalised. Depression is normalised. Social anxiety is normalised. Fatigue is normalised. Burnout is normalised. The negative side affect of this is that people don’t try and fix the root problem, because they think it’s ‘normal’. And it’s not normal, it’s common.
Going back to victimhood, some people are addicted because it gives them a sense of belonging. For example, anxiety and depression. They have friends that may also struggle with the same thing. They get more attention from people because of their anxiety and depression. Whether that be attention from their therapist, their family, their partner etc. They get what they think get is more love from having this problem than if they were healthy. So they get addicted to their victimhood because a part of their brain is like wait, if I don’t have this anxiety any more will people still check in on me, will people still love me. It creates this vicious cycle where people don’t have the motivation or desire to get out of their victimhood.
People love fucking complaining! Why do we love complaining? Because when we complain, the hormonal response is a rush of adrenaline and cortisol and that is a false high. It’s exactly the same feeling as I get when I’m skiing down the mountain. You can get the exact same feeling when you’re having a massive bitch fest. That rush is called adrenaline. That is fucking addictive. So when you have nothing to complain about, you’re like “life’s boring” so subconsciously you will create a problem or put yourself in some victimhood so you have something to complain about.
When it comes to trauma, a lot of psychology explains how you need to talk your feelings out in order to resolve them. But trauma gets in the way of being able to do that. No matter how much someone understands a situation, the rational brain is unable to talk your emotional brain out of the reality of trauma. So if someone has gone through an unspeakable trauma, they’re not able to fully convey the extend of their trauma and their feelings. It’s much easier for them to talk about what’s been done to them from a place of victimisation. So they put their words into the reality of their internal experience, not the facts of the situation. This is a problem because they loop themselves into victimisations of how they felt during the experience, and that keeps you locked in a state of victim, rather than be able to look at something as how it actually happened and be removed from the situation so you can heal from it.
What am I getting out of being stressed? Of being a victim? Of having drama? Of complaining? Of having anxiety? Of having depression? That’s a really powerful question to ask yourself. Because often you’ll be getting more love, attention, validation, you’ll get something that your inner child was or is craving. If you actually don’t like something, STOP talking about it. Because what’s happening is you’re liking the drama of X, because it’s giving you something to complain about. Be aware of that. Because these victim stories, these things that are keeping you stuck in your current situation, rather than you fixing it, up-levelling and getting your dream life, these things cause a subconscious state where you are releasing adrenaline into your system, which is addictive. It’s just as addictive as having a line of coke. It releases this thrill, so you get addicted to the thrill.
It’s like with C-VID, people get addicted to talking about C-VID. If I catch myself talking about C-VID, I’m like wait, change of conversation, next. Because I have to get myself out of that habit. We’ve been talking about it for two years, let’s stop talking about it, let’s stop being a victim to it and let’s actually take radical responsibility this year and let’s be courageous, let’s light a fire up our arse, let’s live our fucking lives in 2022, let’s travel, let’s see the world, let’s love deeply, let’s go on amazing adventures, let’s do those things that we have been wanting to do for the last 2 years. Let’s do them, rather than complaining and being in our victim. We’ve got addicted to that in the last two years. And talking about C-VID is a really minor example that a lot of us should be doing right now.
So I want you to think about this. What are you getting out of X?
There is nothing empowering, motivating, high-vibe about somebody that is like “I’m a victim to this”. There is something very fucking sexy about somebody that is like “yep, bad shit happened, whatever, not available for it anymore”. This attitude makes me feel safe and trust in my body. It brings the power back to me, rather than constantly leaking the power to the person that made me a “victim”. Constantly complaining that you’re a victim to someone gives you that thrill whilst you leak your power away. Dwelling on shit doesn’t help anything. Instead, claiming what happened, owning it and moving forwards does. I want to preface, this doesn’t mean that you don’t feel the pain of it or have your human experience. It means you don’t carry it on for years of your life, constantly being a victim to something which you can shift.
This is your invitation to do the work. Please for the love of god, make this year something you’re proud of. Ladies, Queen Alchemy is open for enrolment. Go and listen to episode 202 for the updates. Men, you have The Man. Also, check out the NYC Immersion. This is where the magic will happen, especially if you’re in your victimhood.