How to WANT to have sex

In fact, the pill dramatically reduces the levels of testosterone which is vital to both female and male libido. Stopping the pill doesn’t necessarily reverse the effects. Sad, I know. (1)

Other research has found the effects of the pill on sexual enjoyment and libido include diminished or complete loss of sexual interest and arousal, muted or non-existent orgasms, decreased the frequency of sexual intercourse and significantly more sexual pain reported by women taking the Pill compared with those who had never taken it. (2)

 

Additionally, a sign of low libido is having low estrogen which can happen due to stress, weight loss or stopping hormonal birth control. As estrogen rises during ovulation and your pre-ovulatory phase, this is the time when your libido will be at it’s highest, and for good reasons – after all, that’s when your fertile and our primal brain is only concerned about getting pregnant (3). Look out for a new free download I’ll be offering very soon (when I get my ass into gear) for harnessing the superpowers of each phase of your cycle!

 

But here is a step in the right direction to wanting to pounce on your boyfriend or husband everytime he gets in the door (especially if he’s carrying the shopping or cooking dinner … am I right ladies?)

Foods for increasing libido:
  • Maca has been shown to improve libido and to lower anxiety and depression, all of which are symptoms of low estrogen. (4)

  • Eat foods that support your adrenals. To recharge your energy, go heavy on blue/black and yellow/orange foods which represent water and earth in Chinese Medicine – who important qualities for boosting libido and energy
    • Blue/black food: black beans, black sesame seeds, adzuki beans, sea vegetables, dark chocolate
    • Yellow/orange foods: carrots, oranges, sweet potatoes, apricots, squash, and pumpkin
  • Incorporate more ‘warming’ foods like ginger and turmeric into your diet. These foods aid the flow of chi (the vital force) to circulate through your body, including your down-down region 😉
  • Eat chocolate! One of the neurotransmitters released when you eat chocolate is called ‘phenylethylamine’. It increases mood and decreases depression (and being depressed = low libido), and is even called the “love drug” because it causes your pulse rate to quicken, leading to a similar feeling to when someone is in love! (5)
  • Try my cacao elixir for a banging combo of chocolate and maca to get you ready to roll!
Lifestyle changes to increase libido:
  • Have sex. Yeah, I know, you don’t feel like it. Well, the best way (tried and tested by yours truly too) is to have more sex. Having orgasms and that release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin helps to balance your hormone levels, boost (good) estrogen (actually called estradiol)  and increase your libido. Try it and report back, please!
  • Are you turned on in your life? If you aren’t turned on by your everyday activities like work, play, exercise, food etc then how are you expected to be turned on in bed? When you hear the word ‘pleasure’ or being ‘turned on’, don’t just think of it in terms of sex. Consider being turned on all day to boost your oxytocin, dopamine, and nitric oxide.
  •  Go to a yoga class. Allowing your feminine energy which is stored in your womb to move freely, helps to clear energy emotional or spiritual blockages that you have. I love going to a yoga class or doing a more sensual session at home because I feel so feminine after. Lots of hip opening and heart opening poses, please! Check out my playlist for activating your feminine.
  • DANCE! Just like certain yoga moves, dancing allows your feminine energy to be moved and blockages to be released. It allows you to tap into your feminine essence and flow, just as we used to do in the caveman days.

  • Allow yourself to RECEIVE pleasure. Society has kinda conditioned most women do not feel comfortable receiving pleasure. For most of us, the beliefs about self-indulgence, pleasure, and play have been passed down and many of us cannot receive pleasure from our friends and family, let alone our lover. From a biological standpoint, men derive their pleasure by giving. Men get turned on when we are turned on. So allow him to give you an orgasm, and for you to receive.
  • Don’t rush it! Most women cannot have an orgasm in 2 seconds like a man. Don’t rush it, don’t force it. Allow the build to be slow and stop thinking of the ‘foreplay’ as just foreplay. The foreplay is part of the sex. Also please stop thinking of it like a chore. It doesn’t need to be rushed, and like my above point, men enjoy giving their woman an orgasm.
  • Tell your man what you like. Not just even in the bedroom but all the other things that turn you on in life. Do you love it when he cooks? Cleans? Picks up the groceries? Gives you a back rub? Makes the bed? Wears that damn good cologne? Tell him! Remember what I said at the beginning…you need to be turned on in LIFE in order to be turned on in the bedroom. Women have different ‘on’ and ‘off’ switches that men (that’s a whole other blog post that I will so very soon).

 

If you tried any of these tips and they helped you, please let me know in the comments below or message me on Instagram! I love hearing from you ladies!

I’d love to help you to understand everything so that you feel empowered to make an educated decision about your body. You can either email me or book in for a strategy session. Or if you’re not sure if you want a one-off session or a coaching package, book in for a 20 mins FREE consultation xx

 

(1)https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11955793

(2)https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16409223

(3) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4720522/

(4) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18784609

(5) https://www.clinicaleducation.org/resources/reviews/pea-a-natural-antidepressant/

The Fertility Awareness Method

The fertility awareness method (FAM) is a natural form of birth control that is completely hormone and negative-side-effect free! Yep, there are ONLY plus sides to this method!

 

In this method, you will learn to observe your cycle and know when you are the most fertile. From this, you will learn so much about your body, have a lot of appreciation for being a woman and it will also benefit your relationship.

 

The primary signs for using the FAM is:

  1. basal body temperature (taken first things in the morning with a VERY accurate thermometer under your tongue)
  2. changes in cervical fluid and texture
  3. Height and softness of the cervix

 

In addition, other signs are charted like cramps, energy levels, libido, cravings and other things that return cyclically.

 

Although this might sound like one hell of an effort, it becomes second nature and it allows you to become so fricken in tune with your body. You don’t just end up knowing when you’re fertile, but you are also able to have a 6th sense about when you are about to come down with a cold, when you feel inflammed, like your thyroid isn’t working properly etc etc

 

This contraception has: 

  • no negative side effects
  • no risks
  • no drugs or invasive devices
  • it can also be used to achieve pregnancy
  • it can help you to know your hormonal health
  • it is free!
  • it’s empowering!
  • it helps your partner to also understand what he should be aware of at different times (e.g. on day 21 if you fucking disagree with me, you will have your balls chopped off).
  • it’s more effective than the pill. Yep, you heard me right. Check it out… 1.8% versus 9%!!!!!!!!!! 

 

And please don’t confuse this for the Rythm Method. That method is based on guesswork. This method is a scientific method.

 

Once you get to know your cycle, and I highly recommend investing in Natural Cycles, you will start to be able to know when your fertile window is. You actually only ovulate once (most of the time) each cycle. The reason why we add ‘buffer’ days is because the sperm can live inside of you for up to 5 days. Therefore if you have sex 3 days before you ovulate, you could still fall pregnant. Also, it is possible to ovulate twice in 48 hours (and then twins would occur) so this is why you add in a ‘buffer’ day after ovulation.

 

It is important to get intimate with your yoni so that you can begin to understand your signs and signals as to when a bun in the oven could happen. With FAM and this margin, it helps to ensure that there is no risk of conception. If you choose to have sex during your fertile days, you can, of course, use a barrier method which I talk about here. 

 

When starting out with this (and PLEASE get Natural Cycles it’s amazing) you must not rely on this for the first 3 months (use a barrier method). You need your cycles to be very regular and for you to know your signs and symptoms. Once you do, then you can rely on this as your form of contraception.

 

If you’re new to this method and understanding your body temp, cervical fluid, and cervix changes, then talk to me! This is what I go through with women so that they feel empowered and educated to be able to do this themselves. Please reach out to me and we can set up an appointment. Just email me at hello@monicayates.com.au

 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17314078

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17314078

https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/contraception/index.htm

Briden, L. (2018). The Period Repair Manual. Australia: Pan Macmillan Australia.

You don’t want to go on hormonal birth control, and you sure as hell don’t want to get pregnant.

I figured it was about time I had written a blog post on this. One of the most highly sought after answers for young girls and of course, getting pregnant can be detrimental for some women. Not because they don’t want a baby, but because they cannot support a baby.

 

Firstly, good on you for not wanting to go on hormonal birth control and wanting to look for other options. As I always say, I’m not completely against hormonal birth control, but I just think that majority of women are not given the education with ALL their options. As a woman, I was never educated about the things that I now know, and so I went on the pill because I thought I could get pregnant at any time.

 

Myth 1: you can get pregnant all the time, every time

 

OH HELL NO. Good news (or maybe bad news??) you CANNOT get pregnant at any time of your cycle. You have a window – 5 days before ovulation (because that’s how long sperm can live in you) and 1 day after (because that’s how long the egg survives). You CANNOT, I repeat, CANNOT become pregnant for the rest of your cycle.

 

The most empowering, inspiring and rewarding way of knowing your cycle and not becoming pregnant, or knowing when to try for a baby is the Fertility Awareness Method. This is a scientific method because it uses 3 things to tell when you ovulate (which is when you have an egg to become fertilized).

  1. Basal body temperature
  2. Cervix changes
  3. Cervical fluid

 

Why do I love this method so much? Because it allows you to experience the different changes in yourself throughout the cycle. How boring would life be if you were just the same aaallll the damn time?! Knowing your cycle and how you feel at different cycles allows you (and your partner) to know that on day x, going to work will result in you killing the intern, so work from home that day. Or that on day x you’re partner is just your roommate…but on day x, he is your Christian to your Grey.

Exhibit A:

DAMNNNNN

Your natural cycle allows you to harness your superpowers at each time of the month and use that to your advantage. (e.g. see all your girlfriends during ovulation because your communication skills are DA BEST).

You get it? Good.

Need help knowing how to chart your cycle and use FAM In a way that will either prevent pregnancy/get you pregnant? Book In for a strategy session and you won’t look back!

 

Also, listen to my YouTube for more info.

 

Other non-hormonal contraception’s include:

  • The male condom
  • The female condom
  • A diaphragm without spermicide
  • Cervical cap without spermicide
  • Withdrawl or pull out method. This isn’t recommended for teenage couples and you must keep in mind that if you want to have sex twice in a row, the man needs to pee in between
  • The copper IUD. This IUD doesn’t release hormones and it doesn’t prevent ovulation so is a great method for some women. It prevents pregnancy as the copper ions impair sperm motility and the fact that you have something in your uterus prevents an egg from being implanted.

 

Now, how’s that for a few options?

 

If you need another option for birth control but don’t quite fully understand each of the different forms, hit me up! I’d love to help you to understand everything so that you feel empowered to make an educated decision about your body. You can either email me or book in for a strategy session. Or if you’re not sure if you want a one-off session or a coaching package, book in for a 20 mins FREE consultation xx