201: How trauma shows up in your sex life - for both men and women - Monica Yates
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201: How trauma shows up in your sex life – for both men and women

BY Monica Yates

In this episode, I discuss why trauma can affect your sex life. Your mind and body hold trauma which causes overthinking, stiffness in the body, and insecure thoughts which leads to shitty sex. Trauma is held in the body and until you release that stagnant energy you will not be able to fully relax. In order to feel all the amazing sensations, you must release the negative sensations stemming from the trauma that has been stored in your body.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 201 NOW

I dive into:

Men and Women both have sexual trauma — learn how it affects both genders

Why trauma causes overthinking and insecurities in the bedroom

Clear your trauma to have the ultimate orgasm

Our bodies and minds try to black out the trauma causing us not to feel anything at all.

Replacing the feeling of detached and numb to confident and sexy

CHICKEN NUGGETS

When you’re justmjournaling, you’re not healing trauma. 

Trauma is an energetic violation, which leads to an energetic hangover. The energetic hangover gets triggered every time something similar happens even when it’s not the same event. It’s not about breathing, it’s about your body no longer holding the energy. 

Mens sex lives are usually not talked about as much. Men can also have sexual trauma. It can affect men worse because they feel like they can’t talk about it, and shouldn’t have trauma because they are a man. 

When you have trauma stuck in your body it prevents you from being open and vulnerable. Your body goes into red alert at any sign of danger. You can’t be open if you have trauma because your brain will always be on alert. 

Your subconscious will be in fight or flight. When you look at veterans/military they always sit at a table where they can see the whole restaurant because their brain has been so traumatized to be on red alert. 

You can’t feel when you are heavily traumatised. When we have trauma we shut down the area of our brain that feels sensation, both good and bad. Pain and pleasure are on the same spectrum. 

You have to feel and release the pain in order to feel the utmost pleasure. Detached and numb is the way we live when we haven’t healed out trauma.

People who have a lot of trauma feel like they can’t connect.

Humans are naturally wired to be on guard. If you couple that with trauma you can become anxious and overthink things in a relationship. 

Nothing good happens with sex when you’re in your head, unless its dirty talk. 

The sensations from sex happen in your body. Our brain needs to turn off its defence mechanism to enjoy and that comes from healing trauma. 

We all have trauma. When you’re so focused on being good in bed you actually are probably bad in bed. When people say I was drunk and had the best sex its because you’re out of your head and can let yourself go because you’re not feeling your trauma. 

We don’t respond well to traditional talk therapy. When you’re trying to connect back to trauma, sometimes you can talk through it because you don’t fully remember what happened. A part of your brain that is responsible for your memory shuts off when you’re in a traumatic situation. When your in a fight or flight response you can also lose your period because your body changes. The blood is not going to your memory when your in a traumatic experience, our brains are wired to not remember traumatic responses (example caveman days, tiger attack).

Monica x

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