188: 8 ways your inner child wounds play out in your relationships
BY Monica Yates
I want to preface, this episode is for men and women and I’m going to talk about predominately romantic relationships.
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1: The way in which you communicate during a fight.
Do you respond or react? When a fight is happening, the way that you respond or react shows your inner child wounds/ what you’ve healed/ what you’re triggered by/ your self-awareness. Whenever you react, you’re being triggered, and there’s a wound which you’re able to heal. Nothing is wrong with you, nothing is broken, it’s just an opportunity to heal something. It’s saying you want to cultivate self awareness so you can have better relationships. The better that you know yourself, the better your relationships are going to be because you can communicate to them.
2: Heal your attachment style
We want to be in a relationship that makes us grow, feel expanded, juicy, electric and exciting and makes us want to be a better version of ourselves. And so it’s really important that you have done the work on yourself so you’re not projecting and causing the person to feel this stickiness in the energy between you two. If you can show up with healthy behaviour, it’s going to help the other person to show up with healthy behaviour.
3: You didn’t feel loved as a child
If you didn’t feel loved, you may put too much effort, money, time and resources into your work instead of having a healthy dance between work and play. You need to put your energy into your relationships too.
4: If you didn’t feel loved, no matter what your partner does, they will never feel enough for you because you will project your insecurities onto them
If you are working to get love, validation or safety, you are outsourcing your power and you will never feel loved or feel enough by your job. If you weren’t given it as a child, if you try and get it off somebody or something else, it’ll be an endless battle. The only way you’ll have this feeling met is when you heal it inside yourself.
5: Eating disorders can create so much tension and anxiety in relationships for both parties
It’s insane how relationships with food, exercise and body image can impact and blow up a relationship because of the dynamic it creates. Anxiousness around these things can kill a relationship.
6: suppressed emotions
If you have a lot of suppressed pain, and your partner comes to you because they’ve had a bad day, it might trigger you. For example, as a man, you might shut down when your women gets emotional. You might tell her to suck it up (like you were told), which will actually make her feel rejected and unsafe.
7: Daddy issues
As a women, if you have daddy issues you actually want to be treated more like a daughter then a woman (until you do QA and then you’re like, can he fuck me??? But the dynamic would have to change).
8: Mummy issues
As a man, if you have mummy issues you will be attracted in (and be attracted to) these women that treat you like their son, rather than their lover. So you’re constantly looking for her approval, rather than you pursuing and protector her. You want to be looked after in a mummy way with your woman instead of being with a queen.
Programs mentioned within this episode
Be A Lover Not A Mother