163: Has the feminist movement gone too far? How are we suppressing men now?
BY Monica Yates
This episode may be triggering for you. Even for Georgie, this topic used to be incredibly triggering for her. I am talking about how we are emasculating men and how the feminist movement gone too far. This is a politically incorrect subject. If you find yourself triggered, I would encourage you to go back and listen to any of my other episodes or IGTV’s about this topic. If you’re listening through the ears of your trauma, it can be very hard for you to have an open mind.
I was interview by Georgie Stevenson on The Rise & Conquer Podcast. As a female empowerment podcast, this is quite a controversial topic that not everyone will agree on, but we are wanting to create a healthy discussion & share a different perspective!
Female empowerment has been such an incredible & important movement, but I believe empowerment should never come from the disempowerment of others. I believe men shouldn’t have to be put down so we can rise up. In this episode we chat about:
– How we can find an equal balance
– How we can support men to lead and step into their masculine
– How this will allow us to step into our feminine energy, receive and be supported
If you haven’t listened to our first episode together, I’d listen to this too:
There are biological differences between men and women. In our DNA, men are the protectors and providers, and women are the nurturing ones and the ones that thrive with connection. Mens numbers one need is passion and purpose whilst women’s number one need is intimacy and connection.
A lot of women are saying men make them feel unsafe, but the reality is that these men (especially the younger men coming through society) are not being raised with these amazing, grounded, masculine role models. As a result, they’re not embodied in their biological energy of being the protector and provider, which is why women don’t feel as safe. Women go into this hyper masculine armour of ‘I have to protect myself’. When this happens, we hustle, we burnout and we’re not happy deep down.
Let’s talk about the different waves of the feminist movement:
The first wave of the feminist movement was really important. It wasn’t a wave which was ‘go women, fuck men’. Women were fighting for their rights, the fact they didn’t have to be housewives (if they didn’t want to), they were allowed to vote, go out into the world and work. This wave was amazing.
The second wave and last wave has been the most damaging. The pendulum has swung the other side where it’s now ‘fuck men’. There’a a lot of anger coming out and generational trauma. When you really look into it, a lot of the wording of modern feminism is actually positioning women to feel like victims which is really damaging.
Q: (Georgie) – How can we bring this new dynamic where we are equal, but we’re not emasculating men? For me, sometimes it feels like ‘should I not step into my power?’ and ‘should I not be this boss bitch?’
A: (Monica) – There is a difference between you being in your power, and you crushing someone else so that you can be in your power. When you’re in your power, it’s “I’m in my power, and you can be in your power too.” The emasculation is “I’m in power, and you’re not allowed to be in your power whilst I am”.
Q: (Georgie) What does the balance look like? What does it look like to be in your power, not emasculate your male partner, or partner in their masculine energy?
A: (Monica) – For me personally, as an example, the majority of the time I make more money than my partner. I’m a powerful women and I run my business. Now, that is me at work, but I also have a side to myself (and we all do as feminine women) where I want to be looked after. At the end of the day, I don’t want to still have my boss hat on. I want to drop into my softness and for my man to figure out what we’re having for dinner, take the garbage out, or for him to say “hey babe, I’ve booked a table for us to go out for sushi tonight”. Now, here are two responses to this scenario. One is speaking your truth and one is emasculating.
Speaking your truth:
“I really appreciate that you’ve made plans, can we swap to Italian, I’m really craving that.” – I’m still speaking my truth and I’m not being a doormat.
“I don’t want to go for sushi, when did I say I wanted to go for sushi? You didn’t even ask me.” – This is seriously emasculating.
The differences between these two responses are so subtle, but so important to note.
When you shame a man, he internally is like ‘fuck, I’m not a man, I’ve done a shit job’. They feel so bad about the tiniest of things, but you have crushed them in that moment because they were just trying to make your life easier.
Georgie even noted that when she switches off, she can be in this softer, feminine, receiving energy where she literally get the best of both worlds. She’s in her power during the day and killing goals, and then she can come home and sit in her receivership role.
Here are some tips, if you want this too.
If you are feeling over-masculine, you need to take things off your plate, slow down, surrender more and take away the masculine. Don’t try and shove in the feminine things. Focus on letting go when you’re in that hyper-masculine. You also need to heal your relationship with men and the masculine.
If you want your man to lead, have a conversation with your partner about this. Firstly, start with apologising – “babe, I listened to a podcast today and I’ve realised I’ve been emasculating you. I am so sorry. I want to give you permission to call me out when I’m doing this, because it’s something I need to re-learn. I love when you are in that provider role, when I come home and you’ve planned a date night, you want to ravish me and you’ve taken control. I know sometimes I resist your control, but I want you to know that it’s so sexy to me.”
Hope that was en eyeopening episode for you guys. This is a heavy and loaded topic with so many different angles to this topic. It’s impossible to touch on all of it in just a short podcast episode.
If you notice that you struggle to be in relationship with men, you find it hard to let them lead, you always want to be in control, you don’t trust them, you hold beliefs that are not supportive around men and it’s been affecting your ability to surrender, trust and love them… then please consider joining Be A Lover, Not A Mother.
I’m flash opening Be A Lover, Not A Mother on Thursday 17th June for the weekend. (It won’t be open again until November 2021). If you want to do some healing around men, understand men, learn how to communicate with them better, this is for you. I’m also adding a new module on ‘how men date versus how women date’, especially as a lot of us are getting back into the dating scene post-lockdowns.
We can’t be empowering women at the cost of disempowering men.
When you really look into it, a lot of the wording of modern feminism is actually positioning women to feel like victims which is really damaging.
Be a Lover, Not a Mother